


Massage My Ego

by starstruck1986



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstruck1986/pseuds/starstruck1986
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warnings: Language, wizards using technology, humour.<br/>Summary: Charlie has himself some fun, with interesting consequences...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Massage My Ego

_Dear Professor Snape,  
  
I want 2 fuck ur sweet arse.  
  
Urs lovingly._  
  
~~~  
  
 _Who is this?_  
  
~~~  
  
 _Wuldn't u like to know?_  
  
~~~  
  
 _Yes, that was rather the point of asking._  
  
~~~  
  
 _U use ur tongue prettier thn a whore._  
  
~~~  
  
 _I'm almost flattered._  
  
~~~  
  
 _U shud be._  
  
~~~  
  
 _You seem to think a lot of yourself._  
  
~~~  
  
 _I'm a fucking God._  
  
…  
  
 _I'm touchin myself thinkn of u._  
  
…  
  
 _I'm cumming._  
  
~~~  
  
 _How thrilling for you._  
  


* * *

  
  
“What're you doing?” Ron asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing in on his phone clenched in Charlie's hand.  
“Nothing,” his brother lied.  
“Charlie,” Ron said threateningly. “What are you doing?”  
“I might have sent a few... umm... text messages, I think they're called?”  
“To who?” Ron asked, his stomach sinking.  
“Nobody.”  
  


* * *

  
  
 _What u doin'?_  
  
~~~  
  
 _Wouldn't you like to know?_  
  
~~~  
  
 _Funny._  
  
~~~  
  
 _I thought so._  
  
~~~  
  
 _My thoughts r of u._  
  
~~~  
  
 _How touching._  
  
~~~  
  
 _I want 2 touch u._  
  


* * *

  
  
“Give me my fucking phone!” Ron demanded.  
“No.” Charlie grinned, typing in a new message.  
  
Ron lunged for him, fingers grabbing for the phone which Charlie pulled out of his reach just in time. They rolled around on the sofa for a while, and Ron prepared for another onslaught. Charlie was laughing throughout the tussle, bursting out laughing. The phone buzzed and then Charlie laughed harder after he read the message. Ron jabbed him in the nipple, a ticklish spot, and used the weakness to successfully steal his phone back.  
  
He scrabbled backwards and retreated to the other side of the room, lifting the phone into his line of sight.  
  
 _You'd need to saw through my chastity belt first._  
  
Ron spluttered when he saw the name.  
  
 **Severus Snape**  
  
He clicked back and saw a long stream of messages. His stomach lurched. Charlie began to cackle in the background as his face reacted.  
  
“I'm going to kill you,” he breathed. “Why? Charlie!?”  
“I was bored.” The redhead shrugged. “And you need a good shagging since you got all frigid.”  
“And Snape's the man for that, is he?”  
“He might be.”  
“You're warped.”  
“He's texting you back,” Charlie pointed out. “And that surprises me more than the fact he has a mobile phone at all.”  
“They're charmed, remember,” Ron muttered, frowning at the small screen. “Hermione and her communication methods. Too clever.”  
  
He read through the damning messages again and groaned.  
  
“I hate you,” he announced, and turned for his bedroom.  
  


* * *

  
  
Ron was just drifting off to sleep when the vibration of the phone on his bedside cabinet jolted him awake. He groped for it and blinked at the screen as the message opened.  
  
 _Why so quiet all of a sudden? I was beginning to quite enjoy our conversations._  
  
Choking with surprise, Ron flew upright. Wondering if he would be convicted of murder if he strangled Charlie in his sleep and made it look like an accident, he entered one back.  
  
 _Sorry. Someone else stole my phone. It wasn't me sending you those messages._  
  
Ron laid back down, keeping the phone in his hand. Only a minute later it buzzed again and he eagerly read the incoming message.  
  
 _I hope the person who sent them was drunk -that is the only way I would excuse such terrible spelling._  
  
Surprised to find himself laughing, when he was talking to Snape, Ron sniffed and wondered what to say back.  
  
 _Pissed as a fart. My revenge will be a loud rendition of my favourite Weird Sisters track at six in the morning._  
  
He bit into his lip waiting for the reply.  
  
 _Good. My ego is bruised and disappointed that your affections were a lie._  
  
Throwing caution to the wind, Ron replied:  
  
 _Maybe you should let me massage it?_  
  
“You've gone fucking insane!” he declared to himself, shaking his head.  
  
The seconds before the phone buzzed again seemed to fill an entire hour.  
  
 _And maybe you should tell me who you are before I answer that._  
  
Ron made a face.  
  
 _Severus, it's Ron. Charlie stole my phone and was a complete and utter twat with it. Sorry. I'll be avoiding you for the next ten years. Goodnight._  
  
Mortified, Ron stuffed the phone under his pillow and then stuffed his face into the same, groaning with embarrassment. He had to see Snape regularly and he didn't know how he would be able to look him in the eye ever again.  
  
He didn't feel the phone buzz again.  
  
***  
  
When Ron awoke in the morning, he was thick headed and groggy. There was a bad taste in his mouth and his lips were dry. He'd drooled all over his pillow. He glanced at the clock and was happy to see that he'd woken early.  
  
He snatched up his pillow to turn it to the dry side and noticed his phone lying there.  
  
“Oh fuck,” he breathed, remembering the night before.  
  
He picked it up and pressed a button to illuminate the screen.  
  
 **1 new message  
  
** Feeling sick, he unlocked the keypad and opened the message. **  
  
**_10 years? I'll wait 2 days. You know where to find me._ ****  
  
 _-fin_ -


End file.
